Tantamount - Outtake
by OhGeeFantasy
Summary: Ben/Bella's point of view from the summer before sixth grade.


**Title: Tantamount Outtake**

 **Author: OhGeeFantasy**

 **Betas: Midnight Cougar and Enchantedby Twilight**

 **Banner: ceceprincess1217**

 **Rating: M**

 **Summary: Tantamount Outtake—Ben/Bella's point of view from the summer before 6th grade.**

 **Word count:**

 **Disclaimer: Twilight and its inclusive material is copyright to Stephenie Meyer. Original creation, including but not limited to plot and characters, is copyright to the author of this story. No copyright infringement is intended.**

 **Tantamount**

 **Outtake**

 **Summer Before 6th Grade**

"Jake, I'm done. It's too hot." The baseball in my hand feels foreign, and I throw it clumsily back to him. I'm not good at catch, but he loves playing, so I suck it up.

"Just five more times." He lunges for my poor throw, catching it with ease. Then, winding up, he pitches it back. "If I'm going to make it to the majors someday, I need to practice."

He's serious too. He eats, breathes, and talks about baseball—until I stop listening, but he doesn't know that part. I have no doubt, though, that he'll make it to the big leagues someday.

"I know. I know." Sweat drips down my face, and I wipe it off with the back of my hand.

"Ready?" Jake asks. He has perfect form, or at least it looks that way to me.

Yeah," I lie. The ball whizzes past me. There's no glove big enough to help me play catch. I'm fast though, and I run for the missed ball. Tripping over my feet and landing in the dirt, I let out a sigh. I get up slowly and dust off my knees. With the ball in my ungloved hand, I stand as Jake's showed me and concentrate.

"There you go, now wind up like I this," he coaxes, swinging back his arm, pretending to throw a ball.

He's pretty awesome, and I'm not. Sports and typical boy stuff don't appeal to me.

I do as he says, winding up and letting go of the ball, and it almost makes it to his glove—almost.

"Nice throw, B!" Jake pushes his dark, shoulder-length hair out of his face.

He's the best friend I could ask for—we've been friends since we were babies. Jake is like a brother to me, since I'm an only child. He's also the only person who seems to understand me. And he's definitely the only one who knows about Bella.

"Are you ready to go to my house? You promised I could do your ha—"

Jake cuts me off. "Shh. I told you I would, but you can't tell anyone."

I nod, smiling. "I love you, Jake."

He gives me a look. "Ben, just keep it cool."

I roll my eyes at him, but I'm still smiling as we walk home.

 ***T***

"You boys want a snack?" My dad calls out to us when we get home from the park.

"Sure," Jake says, walking around me to get to the kitchen first.

Jake doesn't turn down food, and honestly, I'm a little hungry from chasing the ball around in the heat.

"Yeah, we're starving, Dad." I follow behind Jake.

Jake's dad, Billy, is seated at our round kitchen table, and Dad is getting a tub of chocolate ice cream from the freezer when we walk in.

"How was the park?" Dad asks. He takes two more bowls from the cabinet and sets them on the counter.

"It was good," Jake answers. "I think Ben got a workout, though." He laughs and playfully jabs me in the arm with his pointer finger.

Dad looks at me. "You like baseball, now?"

"I didn't say I like it. I only went with Jake 'cause he needed someone to play catch with him."

"You never were a sports lover, but that's okay," Billy says.

"At least you like fishing with your old man." Dad winks at me. "Fishing relaxes the soul."

"And they taste great with tartar sauce," Jake adds, taking a seat next to his dad.

"Son, you only have two things on your mind: food and baseball." Billy claps Jake on his shoulder. "As long as you keep girls outta that head of yours for another five or six years, then we'll be okay."

Everyone laughs except me—Jake does have a girl on his mind: me. I told him months ago that I don't think I want to be a boy anymore. There's something deep down inside of me that doesn't feel like a boy. So, he's helping me get up my nerve to tell my dad. I'm scared, though, because I'll never forget when Mom caught me trying on her purple dress.

I was in second grade. I loved that dress and always thought Mom looked so pretty in it. I wanted to look pretty too, so I tried it on. While I was looking in the long mirror behind her door, she walked in and froze, then yelled at me to take it off. I was embarrassed and didn't know what to say, so I ran and hid for the day. Mom didn't talk to me much after that—she was never the same loving mom. I think she knew something was going on with me, because shortly after that, she sent me back here to Forks to live with my dad.

If Dad freaks out too, then where will I go? Jake says he's too nice and wouldn't do that, and I do believe what Jake says, but I'm still chicken.

Dad hands me two bowls of ice cream and goes back to scooping. "Thanks." I sit next to Jake and slide a bowl in front of him. We dig in, and Jake doesn't hold back.

"Ben?" Billy asks. "What are your plans for the summer?"

Funny, not funny he should ask that question. _Just trying to find a way to tell my dad I don't want to be a boy anymore...nothing too huge on my list._

Swallowing before I answer, I come up with the next best thing. "Reading and hanging out with Jake." A smile spreads across my face when I notice a few drops of ice cream on Jake's chin.

"Well, about that," Billy says.

"About what?" Jake asks.

"I was just telling Charlie that I'm being transferred to Colorado."

"What?" Jake and I ask at the same time.

Tears form in my eyes and I try my hardest to blink them away. The large lump that lodges in my throat is almost choking me. I can't lose Jake—I can't. He's my best friend.

"We move at the end of summer. You two will have about a month to hang out and say your goodbyes."

"No, Dad!" Jake drops his spoon in his bowl. "I'm not leaving. Ben needs me. I mean...I need to be here with my friends."

When he says that, it brings a small but sad smile to my face. I know, no matter what, Jake's promised to help me become Bella—at least hold my hand when I come out. He's supposed to be there for me.

Dad places his bowl of ice cream on the table and takes his seat next to me, putting his hand on my shoulder. "I'm sure Jake will visit. It'll be okay, Son."

My eyes shut so tight I see stars. I can't hold back the sob about to explode from my throat. My feet push the chair back, screeching loud over the wood floor, and I bolt up the stairs to my room. I hear Jake close on my heels. When we make it to my room, he shuts and locks the door, tears making tracks down both our faces. Jake puts his arms around me, hugging me hard. We both cry until we can't anymore.

How will I ever find another friend like Jake?

We wipe our faces, and I sit on the floor. I don't feel like braiding his hair anymore, and anyway, he's lying on my bed with his face under my pillow.

"This feels like when I moved with my mom to Arizona when I was five, after the divorce," I say with a shuddering sigh. "Only a million times worse."

Jake's reply is a muffled grunt.

I'm trying to be brave. I can't make this only about me; this is about Jake too. Forks is the only town he's known, and he has other friends besides me I'm sure he'll miss.

"Like Dad said, I'm sure you'll visit." I pick at the frayed edges of my jean shorts. I'm thinking how lonely and sad I'll be without Jake.

Jake emerges from his hiding place after a few minutes and rolls onto his stomach, arms folded under his chin, looking at me. "I know, but I can't leave you. You need me, Ben. I promised I'd protect you from the other kids...and I...I need you too."

My eyes water again, but I shake my head and swallow them down. "I love you, Jake. I don't care what you say. I love you like a brother. You'll always be my best friend."

A shaky smile teases at his cheek and tears fall from his eyes. "I love you too, Be…. Bella."

 **A/N:**

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 **I hope you enjoyed a peek into Ben/Bella's relationship with Jake.**

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 **Xo,**

 **OhGeeFantasy**


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